there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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