guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I believe in your delicious
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
