Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
