I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
