Quick, to the slutcave!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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