I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
