i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
