someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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