she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just puked most of my soul out..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
