Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
