Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Randomize
