I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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