Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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