then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
