Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
