Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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