i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have to summon your inner elephant
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
