what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
