two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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