I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
