Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
