their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
