Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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