i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
