P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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