Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
