it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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