YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
