Got a toothbrush?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
