Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry about my life...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
