Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
