My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
