What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
