Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
