tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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