if i can run in heels then i can drive
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
