there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
