Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I love you. Go after that dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
