i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
