Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
