I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
