His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
