my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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