I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
