Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
