About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
