I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
