I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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