I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
