had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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