he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
