i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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