So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
